Theory: Aliens + Humans = Asians?

aliens asians – This is an internet-meme-look-like article at site which is currently closed.

My theory is such that I suspect that Asians are the offspring of Aliens mating with Humans. I have many points to support my theory:

1. Asians have uncommonly (almost unearthly) almond-shaped eyes. Have you ever seen sketches what the consensus of alien encounters describe as Aliens? Hmmm…..

2. Why is it that Asians are so technologically advanced? Is it any wonder? Because they’re half Alien!

3. In sketches of Aliens, the majority of them are short in stature. Is it any mystery why Asians are short?

4. The Chinese alphabet does not seem to be of this world. The characters seem so advanced for such an ancient alphabet. Which brings me to #5…..

5. Asian languages, particularly Chinese and Japanese, are very terse, succinct dialects. They seem to have absolutely nothing to with the dialects of the Europe and Africa. They seem very other-worldly…

6. Why does Japanimation seem so damn cool? Because it’s futuristic-like. It’s got the Alien-tinge to it…. Even Hello Kitty and Kero Keropi seem sort of unearthly….

7. The first Human/Alien offspring was….Buddha.

8. How do you think Confucius knew so much???

9. Although American cars are like tanks, is it any wonder that Asian cars are so much more ergonomically friendly? Aliens are very streamlined folk….

10. Where do you think gunpowder was invented? Until it was put into the hands of the violent Europeans, the Chinese used it for fireworks (perhaps to simulate the spaceships of their forefathers…).

11. Chinese and Japanese architecture seems pretty other-worldly if you ask me…

12. Samurai warriors, existing hundreds of years ago, were pretty damn Stormtrooper-like, wouldn’t you say?

13. Sterotypically, why is it that Asians are so good at the universal language of math? One word: Abacus.

14. The only man-made object that can be seen in space is…. The Great Wall of China.

15. The martial arts: do you think that the human race could invent such a concise, succinct and streamlined form of defense all by themselves???? Which leads me to #16…

16. Did Bruce Lee really die? Or was he just taken back home?

17. If indeed, the Human race began in Africa; spread to Europe; then to Asia… why is it that Asians look so much more different from their African descendants? I mean, If you put a European next to an African, the differences make sense; Europeans are lighter-pigmented due to geographical changes. But what can be attributed for Asians’ almond shaped eyes (as in point #1)? China and Japan are not any northern than, say, Germany or England. People from India definitely appear to be of African descent… But once you go a little East… Boom! You suddenly have a sharp change in the Orient…
I wonder…

18. Have you ever seen the rice fields of Asia? Pretty symmetrical and evenly arranged, eh? Have you ever seen those mysterious Alien crop circles? Pretty symmetrical and evenly arranged, eh?

19. Why is it that until Marco Polo brought it back to the West, humans never thought of making the super-carbohydrate noodle they now call Pasta?

20. Speaking of Marco Polo, you always hear of these explorers from Europe. You never hear about Asian explorers sailing the high seas. Why? Maybe because their ancestors already explored them with their spaceships….

Mr. Glennard adds:
21. There are never any reports of Alien abductions in the Far East. Why? Because it’s stupid for aliens to abduct their own people!

22. It’s common knowledge that both China and Japan attempted to keep westerners out of their respective countries. But why? Was it merely because of racial bigotry? Probably not. The Chinese and the Japanese were just prepping their space vehicles for launch when all the while, the rest of the world used wooden rafts.

Dr. Shaw states:
23. While Western doctors tell you to pop a pill if you’re ill, the Chinese suggest having tiny little needles stuck into various “points” in your body. Just who do you think first mapped out the entire human body and practiced acupuncture? Gee, I wonder…
more from Villafranc:

24. Is it any wonder that Opium was one of the first addictive hallucinogens introduced to the western world? Perhaps some westerner accidentally decided to get high from it when it, in fact, was really fuel for Alien space crafts…perhaps…..

25. Have you ever noticed that the majority of Asian men, for some reason have less facial and body hair than their western counterparts? Fu Manchu is the classic example. As much as he wanted a goatee, all he could muster was a few strands from his chin and above his lip. Furthermore, perhaps Tibetans gave up altogether, thus the bald heads…”Hair? Hey, fuggedaboutit!”

26. The real reason behind the recent stock market crash in Asia had nothing to do with money. Aliens, by nature prefer to stay in the background in the scheme of Earthly things. Therefore, the Asian market was perhaps becoming “too” prosperous. The crash was necessary. The Aliens would rather be found out later than sooner….

27. Asians have adopted many Alien habits into their way of living. Chopsticks, while a very simple concept, is very difficult technique to master. Who do you think taught them how to actually use them? Also, if you took a wok and turned it upside down…it’s an all too familiar shape! Finally, is it any wonder why MSG puts you in a trance-like state after eating Chinese food? Maybe it was originally an Alien spice that was never really intended for Human consumption.

28. Even Alien/Human breeding can result in birth defects. Two words: Siamese Twins.

29. As a result of migrating from Northern Asia over the land-bridge (that used to exist) leading to Alaska, we all know that Native Americans, too, are of Alien descent. With their ornamental traditional garb and serene way of being…it’s very Oriental…hence, very Alien. Teepees are a crude, yet still, Alien-inspired design that was very streamlined in its function and purpose. Perhaps their skill in smoke-signalling was a direct result of Alien knowhow and ingeniuity. Finally, the uncanny regard which Native Americans have for the Earth’s natural resouces didn’t just come from nowhere

30. Asians are not bad drivers. It’s just that they’d be more at home navigating a spacecraft.

Mrs. Branching inspired:
31. After landing in Asia, the Aliens decided to search for Humans to mate with. This search led to Egypt, where the Egyptians were exposed to the Alien alphabet and also helped the Aliens build the Pyramids. After leaving Egypt with a few Humans to bring back to Asia, the Egyptians didn’t soon forget their Alien encounter. They documented it by way of hieroglyphics, where Egyptians went so far as trying to emulate their new friends by attempting to imitate their alphabet and portraying themselves as Alien-like, painting their eyes with black eye paint. Furthermore, where do you think the Egyptians learned to mummify bodies so well….

32. Godzilla: visionary japanese sci-fi thriller or homage to the alien equivalent of a house pet?

And Dr. Thompson adds:
32. The words “alien” and “asian” are a little too phonetically similar to merely be a coincidence…

Note: We can a lot of direct messages about this post. Many of the asians friends thinks that this post is offensive. I think this is just humorous piece of text and telling a lot of good things about asians from the different point of view. As you know, Give Up Internet is a geeky humor blog and we’re really serious about not being offensive. Thank you for your understanding.


49 CommentsLeave a comment

  • i have a few answers first of all asians have chinky eyes because unlike most europeans,americans and such they work on the farms and they have to deal with mountains so they have to squint their eyes

    • asians are product of abducting/rapeing hellenian white women and slaugtering the white men by the grey aliens (short, thin, almond eyes,stinky, smart and evil homonoids), greys wrote the bible, all the references in the bible to the snake genes are references to their genome, adam and eve were the first chinese (not white as jews trying to persuade us) couple who finally after many tries were able to withstand the earth conditions. Greys wanted to make their obidient slave race first they made all males for workers and soldiers and thougt they will keep on cloning them but that dont work out to good so theh made chinese female out of the chinese male (so called adams ribs) it all happend 10000 y ago and since about 7000 y ago they after the white and the black race. For killing the white race they used mongols and tatars now they use their mongol jews and saxons to secretly poison us any wat they can (vaccines,aspartame,fluoride,chemtrails,artificial food coloring,radiation in water etc). Did i say the reptylians/greys brought their moon orbit to our planet 11000 years ago so the can experiment withe their races and just in case to nuke them if they wont be obedient and be safe in the moon? Yahwe-Allah-CHristian god is the same space ash ole reptylian who deceived/killed many…
      more here

    • thats bullshit there’s millions of asians that not never worked on a farm in there life and there eyes are like that.

  • That’s why china has such a huge population. If they need to take over the Earth for their own home worlds expansion, they planted the Asian population as a fail safe. 🙂

    • they have so many people because they are cloning them (actually cloning men only) one child policy is a smoke screen to the army/workers cloning agenda

  • this one is really comic…first of all most asians have small eyes..smaller than the western race…chinese history and culture was well documented thats why they think better…they keep their countries closed simply because they dont want people who are called western explorers abuse their countries’ riches….they are good in math because they value education so much….and they are united in building their country to eradicate poverty…poverty did not allow them to explore the earth but made them use whatever resources they have effectively and efficiently, like chopstick…why china was able to build the great wall?simply they have the resources and the labor needed to build it that others dont….the author must have skipped history behind chopsticks and why theyre good with martial arts…and dont you think that those who made this kind of a theory are the real aliens trying to push the lime light away from them so people would think theyre not the real aliens?besides there are more sightings from the west so it is more likely that aliens have more offsprings from the west…

    • your dumb obviously they have more sightings from the west because the americans crack up a massive fuss, whereas the chinese know the aliens so why would they tell everybody they saw one.

  • Humans are humans and our planet made us all, the aliens found us and decided to make us believe they are gods, but i have found life in another planet, the problem is, i can’t really tell the direction to go there. I will tell you what it looks like before any ”white man” claims he got there first.
    The planet is called BAZLAND, named by me of course, it is half DESERT and half WATER FALLS, the only inhabitants i found on this planet are bunch of reptiles almost of the size of an IGUANA LIZARD. These reptiles because of the primitive environment, live at the border line, that’s the thin line separating the desert from these giant waterfalls. It is very dark at the waterfall side that you can hardly find your way around, i wondered how these lizards got there in the first place, meanwhile there is constant sun shine on the desert side, maybe that is why it is a desert of course. That is all i have for now.
    You maybe wondering how i got there, or if what i am saying is true, well lets just say a partner showed me there and who so ever have read this will be shucked when in the future, NASA will put this up as mans greatest discovery mmn! but before God shows anything to man, He shows me first.

    • blacks were brought from syrius to africa first then zeus brought whites from andromeda to greece then reptyian greys kept on rapeing/obducting the white women(they still doing it as i speak) till they received alien looking obedient chinese race (so called in their image in their bible)

  • GOD ZILUS right how’s the ufo came to earth on d.c washington is like i saw youtube about it is was march that time about like 1996 that day they came at night and people saw the lights on the ufo

  • Aliens would have evolved differently due to different selection pressures on another planet, and so would be too genetically different to reproduce with humans to form fertile offspring. Just sayin’.

  • has anyone ever done a study as to whether asians have a shorter pregnancy period as apposed to a regular pregnancy term of 10 months.ok that would explain also why there are so many of them .on another note is their chromosome make up different to other human beings ie. the term mongoloid used to describe the look of a down syndrome person obviously sounds asian and would seem to make reference to the mongols… The reason down syndrome people are that way is due to a missing chromosome and yet they all look remarkably alike as though they could be related or of the same race.

    • mongol races(asians,jews,tatars,turks,saxons) are not compatible with hellenian whites or blacks and any mixes are prone to the mongolic disesed offspring, even jesus said that who also was mongolic jew

  • so this dude is saying that every asian is like this? well im asian and i SUCK at math. and i think practically anyone has the potential to be as smart as the stereotype “me love you long time” asian -.- its all in the culture. if chinese dialect is a more complicated, that could help solve hard equations in math and crap like that. like do you have any idea how insulting it is when someone thinks asians aren’t from earth? like just think for a second how ridiculous that is! the next thing you know people are gonna think asians must be destroyed to “save the universe” i:

    • no single race is from earth but chinese were hybrydized on Earth (using white and black females for that) as opposed to whites and blacks who just came here in one piece also asians have electric souls as opposed to white and blacks who have magnetic one, also asians seems to have just two facial mimicks fear and constant laugh (that is odd)I am not racial here just stating the facts

    • Maybe the have to? ? Who knows? Maybe the 1 billion chinese race will try and take over. So all the blacks and whites will have to eliminate the asian? Who knows? ???

  • This is retarded. I love how the contributors are claimed to be doctors. Give me a break. I’m glad down-syndrome came up. Looks like the writer and commentors have quite a bit of that going on. Also E. Basil, you need some help. Seriously. Put the salvia down.

  • Wow, this is the dumbest, most insensitive, and ridiculous theory I have ever seen in my life! Attributing ethnic and cultural differences as “unearthly” only reflects your ignorance and ethnocentrism that has plagued the society for ages. You might as well start a new KKK movement that seeks to eradicate us “aliens” from “your planet”

      • if asians are aliens it’s awesome because they are different in lots of ways but they don’t want anyone to know there aliens or maybe they want us to find out for ourselves since we are the dumbest species around and were getting dumber not smarter.

    • Take a picture, and look. Then you think alien alien alien, and then you see alien ??

  • Hi guys, ALL human races ( in fact ALL races, animal plan etc) are not from Earth, they been brought here. All humans have origins in some place else, we were geneticly manipuleted by about 22 different races ( many of those were human races but not all) But it is our strenght as a race, that we have so diverse genetics!! We are one of the strongest (geneticly only) races in the galaxy! Peace out. Do some research and dont belive politicians

    • we were strong before greys started to messin up with adding their snake genes to the strong white and black race now we have so many genetic disease that doctors are giving up curing and giving us just sorry ass toxic pills

  • Take a look at any laboratories and tweezers will always be there. Don’t they resemble a sophisticated “chopsticks” used to pick up samples? Has anyone ever wondered why Asians use chopsticks? Perhaps that’s just one way of humans trying to imitate their predecessors or god(s).

  • This is literally the dumbest article i’ve read and I lost at least a handful of brain cells reading it.

    • You thought.. You thought wrong. This article is for those who do not close themselves to the jewish who control the whole world and have been paid by the aliens to take care of their hidden offspring otherwise known as the asians!

  • LOL, LOL, ROFL….. I don’t know whether the writer wrote it for time pass or seriously! B’coz he brought 30+ points. But my brain blasted while reading this. Some of then are really funny, like 7th n Egyption’s point, chopstick n so on. Its a good one.

  • oh god the author must be either high or mentally retarded (no offense to retards)

    asians actually have the most common eyes because 1/5 of the world population is asian

    the “chinese” people (including japanese and koreans here) and indians look different because they both settled at different places and it wasnt until thousands of years later that they meet each other due to territorial expansion

    the chinese language is a form of logogram language, which most ancient civilisations used (the babylonian language, ancient egyptian, etc) and given china’s historical background, its normal for us to use a logogram language, the really alien language should be english, english is one of the only few languages that have different names for their polished products and the raw products. for example, cow meat is called beef instead of cow mean, same goes for pork chop and pig meat

    the chinese actually sailed the seven seas way sooner than any european countries, you just never learned about it, the most famous voyage is the one by zheng he, he went as far as america at that time

    chopsticks are easy to use, you just probably never gave any effort

    oriental technology advancement is due to the oriental culture on heavy emphasis on education and achievement(unlike the trashy american educational system) and besides east asia has always been the pinnacle of technology thousands of years ago, it stopped taking the lead due to something known as 重文輕武 which focused on literature more than technology

    as for marco polo bringing all sorts of trinkets back to europe, well that is just because china is an ancient country, we have a lot of civil wars but the culture is not lost, hence existence of noodles and clay pottery and gunpowder, looking back, the chinese was already using chemically propelled arrows when vikings and anglo saxons were still holding spears

    • chopsticks are easy to use maybe for the aliens… try cut meat with this or put soup into your mouth with these, useless utensils for non aliens

  • evrytym i want to laugh… i read this.. hahah… very funny.. keep posting more….

  • Dude, They only have advance technology because when people invent stupid things they make it more better and more comfortable when using, it’s also not true because when you buy things made in china it will always break so easily. and Chinese are ASIANS …

  • This shit is hilarious. To gmokillsdna, I imagine you are the same type of uneducated, piece of ahit american responsible for KKK and skin head groups. You seriously should just get rid of yourself. I’m so ashamed of white people lately, and i’m white. Get a fucking grip. Read a fucking book. I know it hurts your brain, but this kind of thinking is dangerous for you and the people you surround yourself with. Put down the meth and pick up the math.

  • oh my God. It’s true…. Chinese are Aliens…

    that explains why they are GDP/true population (1.8b) over 100 in wealth to rest of the world. They join the African group for poverty.
    Chinese make nothing.. They are bad also at making copies
    Great Wall.. Their ass got beaten so many times from the Mongols.. it was defence and cheap labour like now.
    Chopsticks.. difficult to use..please…. It’s the most primitive way of eating.. because other tools too expensive and most of all need to make them.. sticks are easier.. provided by nature.. even monkeys use chop sticks.

    Excuse my ignorance.. but technologically advanced.. They are still trying to fight poverty… Did they create the car, plane, rocket, computer… No they just try to copy it unsuccessfully.

    Buddah.. That’s Indian not Chinese

    I will stop here… This post demonstrates how low level Chinese education and how government propaganda (Ican say it I am not chinese and don’t live in China… thus will not go to jail) has such efficiency at keeping people ignorant that a person like you can actually make a theory of this…

    I suggest you do some international reading.. If you can in China and you will realize that all you said is totally and utterly out of this world…

    Now that is the only alien thing I see in Chinese.. totally complete ignorance

  • an unscientific topic and funny dialogues about that.. although as a Asian, I’ve been a little undecided!!

  • Bryan,

    Isn’t China supposed to surpass the US economy by 2020 as predicted by many analysts here in the US? Also the original poster said “Asians” not just the Chinese…so much of your rant about the Chinese not doing much is pretty irrelevent.

    Japan, South Korea and Taiwan are doing relatively well financially compared to many European countries… Technologically Asians contributed to a lot, one being the operational amplifier which makes most of the current technology even possible.

    You talked about Mongols invading China… Guess what? Mongols are Asian and also invaded, raped and pillaged Eastern Europe. Look what they did to Hungary… Wow. Western Europe was luckily spared just because all the Generals abandoned their campaigns after a sudden death of their King at home. Who cares? Countries sometimes lose wars!

    Also the OP was clearly joking and you took offense in sort of a inferiority complex way.

    Also to blah, you call someone stupid by using the word retard, and say no offense to retards… you are obviously the retard, retard.

  • Elf + Human = Asian. Nah. Just kidding. It’s obviously just human genetics. So calm down….