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Theory: Aliens + Humans = Asians?
GiveUpInternet.com – This is an internet-meme-look-like article at HalfAlien.com site which is currently closed. Article can be reached with archive.org link. It’a a great piece of stupid article for trolling idiots. It looks racist but i don’t think so. It glorifies Asians.
ALIENS + HUMANS = ASIANS!
1/5/98
My theory is such that I suspect that Asians are the offspring of Aliens mating with Humans. I have many points to support my theory:
1. Asians have uncommonly (almost unearthly) almond-shaped eyes. Have you ever seen sketches what the consensus of alien encounters describe as Aliens? Hmmm…..
2. Why is it that Asians are so technologically advanced? Is it any wonder? Because they’re half Alien!
3. In sketches of Aliens, the majority of them are short in stature. Is it any mystery why Asians are short?
4. The Chinese alphabet does not seem to be of this world. The characters seem so advanced for such an ancient alphabet. Which brings me to #5…..
5. Asian languages, particularly Chinese and Japanese, are very terse, succinct dialects. They seem to have absolutely nothing to with the dialects of the Europe and Africa. They seem very other-worldly…
6. Why does Japanimation seem so damn cool? Because it’s futuristic-like. It’s got the Alien-tinge to it…. Even Hello Kitty and Kero Keropi seem sort of unearthly….
7. The first Human/Alien offspring was….Buddha.
8. How do you think Confucius knew so much???
9. Although American cars are like tanks, is it any wonder that Asian cars are so much more ergonomically friendly? Aliens are very streamlined folk….
10. Where do you think gunpowder was invented? Until it was put into the hands of the violent Europeans, the Chinese used it for fireworks (perhaps to simulate the spaceships of their forefathers…).
11. Chinese and Japanese architecture seems pretty other-worldly if you ask me…
12. Samurai warriors, existing hundreds of years ago, were pretty damn Stormtrooper-like, wouldn’t you say?
13. Sterotypically, why is it that Asians are so good at the universal language of math? One word: Abacus.
14. The only man-made object that can be seen in space is…. The Great Wall of China.
15. The martial arts: do you think that the human race could invent such a concise, succinct and streamlined form of defense all by themselves???? Which leads me to #16…
16. Did Bruce Lee really die? Or was he just taken back home?
17. If indeed, the Human race began in Africa; spread to Europe; then to Asia… why is it that Asians look so much more different from their African descendants? I mean, If you put a European next to an African, the differences make sense; Europeans are lighter-pigmented due to geographical changes. But what can be attributed for Asians’ almond shaped eyes (as in point #1)? China and Japan are not any northern than, say, Germany or England. People from India definitely appear to be of African descent… But once you go a little East… Boom! You suddenly have a sharp change in the Orient…
I wonder…
18. Have you ever seen the rice fields of Asia? Pretty symmetrical and evenly arranged, eh? Have you ever seen those mysterious Alien crop circles? Pretty symmetrical and evenly arranged, eh?
19. Why is it that until Marco Polo brought it back to the West, humans never thought of making the super-carbohydrate noodle they now call Pasta?
20. Speaking of Marco Polo, you always hear of these explorers from Europe. You never hear about Asian explorers sailing the high seas. Why? Maybe because their ancestors already explored them with their spaceships….
1/6/98
Mr. Glennard adds:
21. There are never any reports of Alien abductions in the Far East. Why? Because it’s stupid for aliens to abduct their own people!
22. It’s common knowledge that both China and Japan attempted to keep westerners out of their respective countries. But why? Was it merely because of racial bigotry? Probably not. The Chinese and the Japanese were just prepping their space vehicles for launch when all the while, the rest of the world used wooden rafts.
Dr. Shaw states:
23. While Western doctors tell you to pop a pill if you’re ill, the Chinese suggest having tiny little needles stuck into various “points” in your body. Just who do you think first mapped out the entire human body and practiced acupuncture? Gee, I wonder…
more from Villafranc:
24. Is it any wonder that Opium was one of the first addictive hallucinogens introduced to the western world? Perhaps some westerner accidentally decided to get high from it when it, in fact, was really fuel for Alien space crafts…perhaps…..
25. Have you ever noticed that the majority of Asian men, for some reason have less facial and body hair than their western counterparts? Fu Manchu is the classic example. As much as he wanted a goatee, all he could muster was a few strands from his chin and above his lip. Furthermore, perhaps Tibetans gave up altogether, thus the bald heads…”Hair? Hey, fuggedaboutit!”
26. The real reason behind the recent stock market crash in Asia had nothing to do with money. Aliens, by nature prefer to stay in the background in the scheme of Earthly things. Therefore, the Asian market was perhaps becoming “too” prosperous. The crash was necessary. The Aliens would rather be found out later than sooner….
27. Asians have adopted many Alien habits into their way of living. Chopsticks, while a very simple concept, is very difficult technique to master. Who do you think taught them how to actually use them? Also, if you took a wok and turned it upside down…it’s an all too familiar shape! Finally, is it any wonder why MSG puts you in a trance-like state after eating Chinese food? Maybe it was originally an Alien spice that was never really intended for Human consumption.
28. Even Alien/Human breeding can result in birth defects. Two words: Siamese Twins.
29. As a result of migrating from Northern Asia over the land-bridge (that used to exist) leading to Alaska, we all know that Native Americans, too, are of Alien descent. With their ornamental traditional garb and serene way of being…it’s very Oriental…hence, very Alien. Teepees are a crude, yet still, Alien-inspired design that was very streamlined in its function and purpose. Perhaps their skill in smoke-signalling was a direct result of Alien knowhow and ingeniuity. Finally, the uncanny regard which Native Americans have for the Earth’s natural resouces didn’t just come from nowhere
30. Asians are not bad drivers. It’s just that they’d be more at home navigating a spacecraft.
Mrs. Branching inspired:
31. After landing in Asia, the Aliens decided to search for Humans to mate with. This search led to Egypt, where the Egyptians were exposed to the Alien alphabet and also helped the Aliens build the Pyramids. After leaving Egypt with a few Humans to bring back to Asia, the Egyptians didn’t soon forget their Alien encounter. They documented it by way of hieroglyphics, where Egyptians went so far as trying to emulate their new friends by attempting to imitate their alphabet and portraying themselves as Alien-like, painting their eyes with black eye paint. Furthermore, where do you think the Egyptians learned to mummify bodies so well….
32. Godzilla: visionary japanese sci-fi thriller or homage to the alien equivalent of a house pet?
And Dr. Thompson adds:
32. The words “alien” and “asian” are a little too phonetically similar to merely be a coincidence…
You Suck, Apple Rocks
You follow, they do. They market, you get fanboyyed and you become the free marketer of their great viral marketing campaigns. Steve makes fun of you. Because you suck. That’s why Apple rocks. Dont say i hate iPad. You know you want it. That’s why you really suck. It might really sucks to be you, loser. What a minute, i’m talking about Apple too. Bad news works for Apple isn’t it, so, iSuck too?
Viral Marketing For Iron Man 2 Movie is All Over The Internet
Viral marketing is going viral. And it’s becoming the most powerful marketing style. Iron Man 2 will be on theatres at 7 May. Nowadays you can see a lot of content about Iron Man in social media sites. Social media marketing is a great way to power up viral marketing. It’s a bit paranoid but it looks like many things (more than we guess) are being brought to us via viral marketers.
HELP ME GET A CAR – $1000 | Craigslist: “im not the police or anything and if you are please don’t email me.”
Hi i need some help i need a car. I just graduated from high school and im starting college and i need transportation back and forth to school. I used to have a car but my parents took it away once they kicked me out. They kicked me out becuase my baby sister got drunk and called me at 5 in the morning to come pick her up. when i got there she had like 30 of her friends with her and i told her i could not take all of them home. The car was too small and i had to get up for work in a 4 hours. She got mad and would not get in the car. I called my parents to talk since into her but they were sleeping. So after waiting 45 minutes i just left.. But later after i left my sister was arrested. My parents blamed me. I really dont understand what i did wrong. It was her fault if anything. But anyway i was kicked out and they took my car. I had some money i had been saving up but i had to use that for me to have a place to stay. But now i need me a car. I tried car dealerships but they are not willing to take a chance on me cuz i just turned 18 i have no credit or a down payment. Me having a job is just not enough. I have beeen trying craigslist for sometime but it was no luck. Most people will email me saying they think what im doing is stupid and that is fine. If you know a different way then please tell me. Cause trust me i would rather get a car in a way where im not doing sexual favors but my back is up against the wall right now. And i dont know you or your situation so i dont want you to be offended by this at all. I dont know how much you need the money from selling the car but i was hoping maybe u can help me with the car. If its just sitting in ur drive way and you wana get rid of it then help me. I dont expect to get it for free of course. I was hoping that maybe you would accept oral sex or to let me make some small payments(and just cuz im offering oral sex dont think im some dirty slut whose been with a million guys. Cuz i have not not and i been tested and i have no STDs). I know its far fetched but i need some help desperately. So if you can please help me. I mean if you want to just give me the car that would be AMAZING but nothing comes free in this world. So im willing to try and pay. The payments wont be much but if you give me time i swear i will pay it all. Let me know if you can help me if not then i understand thank you and have a blessed day. Oh yeah by the way i really dont have the 1000 dollars i just put that up to attract more people and check my email like 3 times and hour so please respond as much as u can
Oh and let me tell u now im not the police or anything and if u are then please dont email me. I dont want any trouble and im not trying to get anyone in trouble. I just need help. If you feel like what im offering is not good enough for what u have then dont bother to email me. But if u do then let me know
1dak.com | A Photo Blog Focused on Bringing Artistic and Humorous Photos
1dak.com, A Photo Blog Focused on Bringing Artistic and Humorous Photos. I strongly recommend you this nice looking photo blog.
Why i hate the internet | a Student Article From 1995 | by Kim Bond, TG co-op student
The central evil in the universe today is people’s obsession with the internet. Or at least, I think so. Everywhere I go it seems that people are falling all over themselves, drooling at the new technology that lights up like magic before their eyes. I can imagine the scene in the corporate men’s washroom, with all those technology freaks standing around comparing the size of their hard drives. But no matter how many people tell me that the internet is the information highway to heaven, I can’t help but wonder, why?
Now, before I go any further I guess I’d better explain what the heck I’m doing writing an anti-internet article to be posted on the internet. Yes, it is hypocritical and no, it doesn’t make any sense. Maybe deep down my Catholic roots are trying to vent themselves by subconsciously driving me to try to secretly convert all of you internet junkies. Maybe I just feel sorry for all those readers who are being forced to log on for some assignment or work requirement (actually that – unfortunately – is my real reason for doing this. By some insane twist of fate this ranting and raving is actually a part of my job here).
Every argument I hear in favor of this seemingly amazing technology fails to convince me of it’s worth. Of course, I’m just like everyone else in that if something comes along that can make my life more enriched, interesting, and above all easier, I’m going to appreciate it. But I’m just not sure that the internet offers any of these things.
Let me point out, for example, one of what I consider to be the most misleading pro-internet arguments, namely that the internet is the key to free information for everyone. Excuse me, but the last time I checked nothing about the whole set-up was free. The internet, like any communication tool, is a service provided by a reasonably limited number of companies which charge users according to the amount of time they spend worshipping this lovely invention. And that’s for those of us who are fortunate enough to be able to shell out the three thousand bucks to get a computer in the first place. More than any other technology before it, the internet allows only the upper class of society to participate, making the whole “free information” spiel seem more than a little flawed.
Equally ridiculous is the idea that the future of education will involve link-ups from home computers with which students will communicate with teachers via the internet. How brilliant. The one thing that keeps most teenagers in school to begin with is the opportunity for daily social interaction with their peers. Ask any red-blooded teenager what it is they like about school and they will undoubtedly list friends, gym or art class, school clubs or teams, driver’s ed., or other such aspects of high school life which could never be delivered direct-to-you through the internet. Surely stripping school down to the barest, driest facts will lead to a sudden surge of interest in lessons by teenager around the world (I know I’m planning on joining this trend right after that date I have lined up with Brad Pitt).
The one convincing argument I’ve heard in favor of the internet claims that the internet will make those long frustrating trips to the library a thing of the past. The idea is that with millions of articles on everything from Moroccan snail population trends to the history of beets, future research will simply be a matter of searching the internet for facts, all from the comfort of your own living room. But even this argument can be easily shot down, as the information posted on the internet has virtually no proof of reliability. Any knucklehead with a computer and half a brain can write anything he or she wants on the internet.
Wait a minute. Any knucklehead with a computer and half a brain can write anything he or she wants on the internet. Maybe that’s the point, after all.
TOP 10 Best Internet Videos | Most Iconic | That Made The Web a Better Place [LIST]
Urlesque made and awesome list; “Join Urlesque as we count down our picks for the top 100 viral videos that made the Internet such a wonderful place. These are the clips that make us laugh the most, inspired future videos, or even changed the web as we know it. See the full list below and click on the video titles to get a deeper look into each selection. Or, start from the beginning and peruse the entire list. Just wanna know what #1 is? You can do that, too.”
100. Bad Day
99. Scarlet Takes A Tumble
98. Roomba Driver (Cat on a Roomba)
97. Worst Day of My Life (Crying Idol Girls)
96. Lip Dub – ‘Flagpole Sitta’
95. Charlie the Unicorn
94. Winnebago Man
93. Leeroy Jenkins
92. Lightning Bolt
91. The Average Homeboy (Denny Blaze)
90. The Machine Is Us/ing Us
89. Corey Worthington Delaney
88. Gamer Freak Out (Angry German Kid)
87. Impossible Is Nothing (Worst Resume Ever)
86. Shiba Inu Puppy Cam
85. Dog Saves Injured Dog From Freeway
84. Trapped In An Elevator
83. All Your Base Are Belong To Us
82. Guinness World Record for Most T-Shirts Worn at One Time
81. Tron Guy
80. Bill O’Reilly Flips Out (We’ll Do It Live!)
79. iJustine’s iPhone Bill
78. Barack Roll
77. Nintendo 64 Kid
76. Kittens Inspired By Kittens
75. Look At That Horse
74. Tom Cruise’s Scientology Video
73. Powerthirst
72. David Elsewhere
71. G.I. Joe Porkchop Sandwiches Mash-Up
70. Will It Blend?
69. Samwell, ‘What What (In The Butt)’
68. Wii Fit Girl
67. Little Superstar
66. Randy Pausch’s Last Lecture
65. Liam Sullivan’s ‘Shoes’
64. La Caida de Edgar (Edgar’s Fall)
63. Gellieman, ‘Aicha’
62. Peanut Butter Jelly Time
61. Inmate ‘Thriller’ Dance
60. Parry Gripp Remixes – ‘Cat Flushing the Toilet’
59. Avril Lavigne, ‘Girlfriend’
58. Whistle Tips With Bubb Rubb and Lil’ Sis
57. Breakdance Baby Kick
56. Cockroach vs. Weatherman
55. Potter Puppet Pals
Online Cliche Finder | Find Cliches
cliche.theinfo.org/ is a must-see site. seriously. Also this site is quite awesome for cliches.
Shlashdot.org | Shlasdot, Not Slashdot – Probably You Don’t Know This
Shlashdot.org, is a web site that it is not a SlashDot.org
